17 weeks

Well, let me just say that the past little bit has been crazy. I've been super busy working 3 days a week and going to school full-time, plus taking care of the house and Rudy, AND making a baby from scratch!

It's Josh's busy season as well, so he's been working late a lot. I have homework at least every other day, plus studying to stay on top of my classes. Of course, I also have to make sure I'm spending quality time with    Rudy. We also have a few other things going on that I can't really talk about just yet ;).

On top of all THAT, a couple of nights ago we had to take Josh to the emergency room because of (what he thought were) kidney stones. He's had them several times in the past, and actually has them in his kidneys at all time, but only feels pain when they move or try to pass. He was in terrible pain and I felt so bad for him. He was still able to crack jokes though. They put him in a wheelchair and took him to have a CAT scan. When we got back to the waiting area I told the lady I was 17 weeks pregnant and asked if it was okay for me to be back there. Josh promptly informed her that HE was the one that got me pregnant! She laughed and said that was good to know. It turned out he had a severe bladder infection. He had a few stones at the top of his kidneys, so we also think they may have moved a little bit and caused pain.

Everything has been going great on the baby baking front!


How Far Along: 17 weeks, 3 days

Due date: March 6th

Gender: We still aren't finding out!

Names: We are pretty sure on names, but not 100% so I don't think I'll share those yet.

Weight Gain: 1 pound so far.

Maternity clothes: I found a pair of nice maternity pants at Once Upon A Child for $10. I also ordered a few things when Old Navy was having their maternity sale. I can still fit into my regular clothes, but I know I'll need maternity clothes before too long.

Stretch Marks: None yet!

Sleep: It's gotten a lot more fitful. I went to bed before Josh last night and apparently when he came in I was laying upside down and crosswise on the bed, on top of the blankets which were all twisted up. I've been trying to sleep on my side but it's hard to do. Lately it's been more like a half side/half stomach position.

Movement: Nothing definite yet, though I have noticed some tightening and different sensations. It might be even longer before I feel movement though because I have an anterior placenta, which means that my placenta is in the front. That will make the movement feel muffled at first.

Missing anything: Nothing too bad, a margarita would be nice though.

Food cravings: Nothing really.

Food Aversions: I still can't do cucumbers or yogurt.

Symptoms: I haven't had many symptoms in the past few weeks. A little bit of occasional nausea and I'm still breaking out a lot, but besides that not much.

Looking forward to: My next ultrasound is in about 2 1/2 weeks. Even though we aren't finding out the gender, I'm still looking forward to seeing baby and making sure he/she is growing well.

Second Trimester!

Has it been over a month already?? I haven't updated in a while and so much has happened since the last time I did. Hopefully this won't get too long.

-At 9 weeks and 5 days (on my birthday!) I had an ultrasound. Josh and Rudy both came with me and we had a great time. Baby was measuring 10 weeks 1 day with a heart rate of 170 beats per minute. We saw little tiny arms and legs and baby was wiggling around everywhere. Josh and Rudy were equally infatuated with the wiggling babe :). It was such a relief and the BEST birthday present! We felt a lot more comfortable telling people that are close to us after that, so we told the rest of our families and a few close friends that didn't know, but we were still keeping quiet for the most part.

-The day following my birthday was August 7th, my due date for my first pregnancy. I think the anticipation of the day was worse that the day itself. I had to work that day, so that helped to take my mind off of things, plus the high I was feeling from the previous day's ultrasound really helped to keep me positive. I still thought about my lost baby a lot that day though, but I am so thankful to be pregnant again.

-I started a new job! It is still at the bank, but I went from HR to the commercial lending department. I am now a Commercial Credit Analyst Intern. I love it! It's much more fast-paced than my old job, and I have to think things through, so I think it's a really good fit for me. I told my new bosses (and my old boss, the HR person!) about my pregnancy and everyone was very supportive. I think it helps that I'm only working part-time and that I'm an extra person, so hopefully they won't miss much while I'm on leave.

-A week ago today I considered myself "officially" in the second trimester. According to which source you use, the second trimester can start at 12 weeks,13 weeks and 14 weeks. If you divide 40 weeks by 3, you get 13 weeks 3 days. So at 13 weeks 4 days I considered myself officially in the second trimester :).

-On September 6th I had an appointment with my midwife and everything looked great. It was a quick appointment but I got to hear the heartbeat beating away at 160 beats a minute! Since everything was great and I was 14 weeks 1 day, I came home and announced on Facebook with this picture:

We had family pictures done by my awesome friend Bethany and we took a few announcement pictures as well. I love the big brother ones! The support on Facebook was overwhelming and it suddenly made this pregnancy feel very, very real. The fear lessens everyday and I am getting more and more excited!

In a lot of the pregnancy blogs I read, they will do a weekly pregnancy survey. I thought it might be fun to do the same. I probably won't do one every week (hello it's been a month since I've updated!) But monthly or every two weeks is probably more doable.

How Far Along: 14 weeks, 4 days

Due date: March 6th

Gender: Not only is it too early to tell, but we aren't finding out at all! That's a post for another day though :)

Names: We are pretty sure on names, but not 100% so I don't think I'll share those yet.

Weight Gain: So far, 0 pounds.

Maternity clothes: None yet, but my Mamoo has bought me a lot she found secondhand. My regular clothes still fit, but I have a definite pooch, so sometimes I have to do the handy rubber band trick if my pants/shorts get too tight.

Stretch Marks: None yet!

Sleep: My sleep hasn't been too disturbed. I have to pee just about every night at least once and I've noticed the past week it's starting to bother me to sleep on my stomach. When I have to switch to sleeping on my side is when I'll start having issues.

Movement: None yet, which is expected because it's so early. It might be even longer before I feel movement though because I have an anterior placenta, which means that my placenta is in the front. That will make the movement feel muffled at first.

Missing anything: A cold turkey sandwich :(

Food cravings: None, although a week or so ago I was about to die for fried catfish. Thankfully I was able to get some!

Food Aversions: These have let up a lot. I no longer have an aversion to plain water and I've been eating salads every now and then! Cucumbers and yogurt are still a no-no though.

Symptoms: I have some background nausea occasionally, but not very often. The biggest thing I've noticed over the past couple weeks is pain in my hips, thighs and knees. It honestly feels like growing pains. I haven't gained any weight so I'm not sure how they're hurting already!

Looking forward to: Being noticeably pregnant. Right now I'm in between and I honestly look like I just ate a few too many tacos!

Loss Milestone

Today I am 8 weeks 1 day pregnant. Tomorrow is the day in my last pregnancy that my miscarriage was confirmed. This Saturday I will officially be more pregnant than I have ever been. It is a very bittersweet feeling.

I've been enjoying this pregnancy (as much as you can enjoy nausea and breakouts) but I've found myself thinking about the baby that I lost a lot more. I think it has to do with my estimated due date approaching. Even though I am pregnant now, I feel a twinge of pain whenever I see a woman with a huge 9 month belly, because that's what my belly is supposed to look like right now. I'm supposed to be getting a nursery ready, washing baby clothes in Dreft, dealing with the summer heat.

I don't suppose I'll ever "get over" the pregnancy that I lost. As early as two days after my miscarriage was confirmed I had people telling me to "cheer up" and "move on." At that point I was still in PHYSICAL pain. Contraction like cramps, blood, blood and more blood, back pain; it was all extremely painful. I had barely begun to deal with the emotional side of losing my baby and I was being told to "cheer up." Needless to say that spun me into a lonely, silent depression where I felt like I couldn't turn to anyone about my pain. Over time I have learned how to manage it, accept it, and even amazingly, be somewhat thankful for it. But no, I will never forget, get over, or move on from the baby that I lost.

My first pregnancy was a surprise and I was overwhelmed in the beginning. I felt unprepared and apprehensive. But even though it was unplanned, it was very much wanted. I formed a connection with this tiny baby I had never met and treated my body very well to nourish the tiny soul I was growing. When I saw the flicker of the heartbeat on the ultrasound screen I fell in love. The pain following my miscarriage was real and raw. I lost a child. Not an embryo, a fetus, or an idea... but a child.

Seven months out from my miscarriage I can look back and see the silver lining. Most importantly, if not for the baby I lost, I would not be carrying the child I have now. I have developed an understanding for the hurt of other people going through similar situations. I can sympathize with other mothers that have experienced the same thing. Also, as trite as this sounds, this baby will arrive at a better "time" than my first would have. We will hopefully be homeowners before this baby arrives. I have a better job with better (part-time) hours. I will be closer to finishing school.

Those are all positive things, and I am so thankful for them. However, I don't think I will ever be able to forget that I was going to share a birthday month, week or even day with my child. I was going to have a summer baby. Rudy and my first biological baby were going to be just barely 3 years apart instead of almost 4. I was going to have a newborn in August instead of rounding out the first trimester.

I will always remember the first baby we lost, and I believe my first baby gave me the greatest gift--their brother or sister that will be arriving this March. For that, I will always, always be thankful.

Quick Pregnancy Update

Things are still going pretty great! I'm taking each day as it comes and trying hard not to worry or stress. So far I feel like I've been pretty successful.

The nausea has still been pretty persistent over the past several days, but I've gotten a pretty good handle on not actually throwing up. I've learned that if I stay in bed for a little while, don't eat until I've been up for a few hours, and eat small portions I usually do okay. I feel queasy everyday and while it's bad in the morning it seems like it always hits in the late afternoon as well.

My eating habits have totally changed. I've always loved summer for the fresh sweet corn, tomatoes, watermelon and other yummy vegetables. This summer I want absolutely no part of them. I used to love salads and now they taste like I'm eating grass. It is just so strange to me! Also I've always been a huge water drinker. I used to drink nothing but water, day and night. Now it seems like plain water makes me sick. Heavily laced lemon water is delicious though as well as lemonade. I'm trying to stay hydrated because I know how important that is, but I have to admit I'm not doing a very good job.

I feel like my emotions have remained pretty constant but there have been a few moments when I knew my hormones were too blame. The perfect example was earlier tonight. I had washed Josh's work clothes the day before and left them in the dryer. I pulled them tonight to hang them up and he made a comment about the clothes being wrinkled. I promptly burst into tears. He was joking the whole time and even though I knew that I just couldn't shake the feeling of being a bad wife because of wrinkly clothes! I cried and he was hugging me but laughing at the same time over the ridiculousness of it. It was pretty hilarious...especially when I offered to iron them! His work clothes are worn, torn in places and covered in hydraulic oil, grease and who knows what else and I was seriously about to get out the iron to get the wrinkles out. It was so silly to cry over but I know it'll be something funny that we will look back on some day. Lovely pregnancy hormones! :)

First Appointment

I had my first prenatal appointment yesterday at exactly 7 weeks. It went wonderfully!

Let me just begin by saying that I can't praise my midwife enough. I love, love, love going there and it is absolutely worth the 45 minute drive. The midwife I saw today was the one that confirmed my miscarriage and I really like her. She was so comforting and compassionate during one of the saddest moments of my life and is just all around a great person.

The first thing she said to me was "I'm so thrilled to see you here!" She asked how I was feeling and if I was nervous. When I told her I felt better about this pregnancy, but still nervous and apprehensive she was very understanding. She offered to bring in the portable ultrasound and "take a peak" as long as I promised not to get upset if we didn't see anything. Since I had been charting I knew I was exactly 7 weeks so I was really hoping that we would be able to see a heartbeat.

She used the abdominal ultrasound and we saw the gestational sac immediately...and then, the flicker of a heartbeat! It was such a great feeling. Even though the portable machine was old and fuzzy, I could see the heartbeat clear and strong. She took a few measurements and kind of laughed and pointed to the screen. Baby was measuring 7 weeks 0 days. She said "look, you were right on!" Another reason I am so thankful I chart! If I was going by my last period (which is how doctors calculate your due date) I would have been 8 weeks and 1 day and I would probably have anxiety about baby measuring "small." But since I know exactly when I ovulated, I can be confident that baby is actually right on track.

I had an exam and we talked for a while about a few questions I had. I had my blood drawn (5 vials!) and scheduled an appointment for August 6th (my birthday!). I am having a "real" ultrasound at my next appointment with a meeting with a midwife after. I'll be 9 weeks and 5 days.

I feel so much better after this appointment. Even though my fear is not completely gone, it is very much alleviated. Still hoping and praying for a healthy pregnancy!

First Family Vacation and Our One Year Anniversary

This has been a busy, busy week! Last Sunday was our one year wedding anniversary. We didn't do much except pack because we were getting ready to go on vacation the next day. My sister-in-law was leaving for camp the same day we were leaving and since she was going to be gone for her birthday we all went out to Logan's to celebrate.

After putting Rudy to bed we were super excited to cut into our wedding cake...and let's just say it's really not how we remembered it! We had a raspberry filling in the middle and I think it seeped through the rest of the cake and made it bitter. Needless to say we took a few bites just for a nod to tradition and threw the rest out.

The next morning we left for our very first family vacation. Aside from a few mishaps we had a great time. The first night we were there a drunk guy stole a golf cart in a parking garage and put a huge dent in the back of my car. Luckily Josh was able to get underneath and pop it out so just the paint looks a little worn. My car has almost 140,000 miles on it and has lots of little dings, pings and scratches. It could have been so much worse and I'm seriously not worried about it!

Getting ready to play his first round of golf.

It really is beautiful there!

The trip was exhausting with a 3 year old but we really had so much fun. Josh was a little disappointed because the mountains have lost their charm. It's definitely tourist-y there and a HUGE money suck. But the mountains themselves are still beautiful, so i'm sure we will go back at some point!

In the way of pregnancy updates things are going pretty well. I still have quite a bit of nausea and food aversions. I've always loved salads and vegetables and foods like that but now they just taste so terrible to me. I find it helps in the morning if I just hang out in the bed for a little while before getting up.

I am 6 weeks 3 days today and my first appointment is this coming Wednesday. So far things are great and i'm hoping they stay this way! 

5 weeks 3 days!

Today I am pregnant and I love my baby. Deep breath. I am trying to stay extremely positive!

 I found out on June 25th, just 12 days after ovulation that I was pregnant! I was planning on waiting until my missed period to test, but just for the heck of it I woke up one more and decided to test. I completely expected a negative result. Instead, a second line popped up within seconds! I was shocked! I had planned on telling Josh some cute, creative kind of way. I guess I just wasn't thinking clearly because I took a picture on my phone and sent it to him. He was absolutely ecstatic. I was more apprehensive, especially since I was only 3 weeks 5 days at the time. And that is super, super early.

Now it is almost 2 weeks later and things are going great. This pregnancy is a lot different than my last, and for that I am thankful. Last pregnancy I had zero morning sickness, minor symptoms, bleeding and a nagging feeling that I wasn't bringing this baby home. This pregnancy is exactly the opposite. I've been having tummy troubles, extremely sore, heavy boobs and I've been breaking out like a 15 year old boy!

And oh the morning sickness. Already! I started feeling nauseous about 4 days ago. I had official vomiting this morning after eating an apple. Nothing sounds edible to me. I usually love vegetables but the thought of anything green makes me gag. I tried to eat a piece of broccoli the other day and it was the most disgusting thing ever. Also, the "y" word (yogurt) is a cuss word in this house right now. Today I've had have a sleeve of crackers. Even water sounds extremely gross right now. Even though the nausea really sucks (for lack of a better word!) I am thankful for it. Especially since it's so early, the nausea means my hCG is nice and high, which means baby is growing and my pregnancy is strong and healthy. After having no nausea and then a miscarriage, I'll take being sick if it means I get a take home baby!

Speaking of miscarriage, I'm staying positive this pregnancy. I still worry about miscarriage, but I can honestly say it is not my foremost thought. I am hoping, praying, and believing that this is my take home baby. I am taking each day as it comes, and I admit that I check the toilet paper every.single.time for the tiniest speck of blood, but I don't live my day in fear that i'll face the emotional and physical pain of a miscarriage again.